your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think my mom watched the whole time
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
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