Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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