Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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