i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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