I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize