I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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