I love having hate sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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