ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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