I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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