i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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