In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize