i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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