I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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