those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize