Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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