The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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