i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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