We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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