yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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