You're my little dorito
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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