As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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