I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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