is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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