Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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