Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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