two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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