My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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