I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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