Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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