But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize