Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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