she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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