You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize