Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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