Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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