Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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