i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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