It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize