Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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