And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize