i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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