This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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