I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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