how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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