he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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