the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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