I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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