So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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