Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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