tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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